Tonight, I settled into my bed and snuggled up with my blanket and my Bible as I often do at night time. I pulled up my reading plan and thumbed through the pages until I reached my destination, Psalm 78.
I have always found the Psalms to be raw, honest, and captivating. David and his fellow authors never fail to spare the dismal details. So often in the Christian world, we hear people openly celebrate what majestic things God has done in their lives, and rightly so, but rarely do people publicize their garbage. David and his fellow composers of the Psalms were not this way. I admire them for their humility and their honesty. They shared of the Glory of God in their lives, as any of us would, but they were never scared to admit that sometimes it was hard. Being a genuine Christ-follower is not an easy feat, and they never sugarcoated it. There's sacrifice. At times, there is confusion, doubt and fear. There comes a point in the walk of every Christian where they leave the world of spiritual highs and hit rock bottom. And no author in the Psalms shied away from that truth. For this reason, I have always had a special place in my heart for the Psalms. I know that no matter where I am, David has a writing that I can connect with. But even in a book jam packed with 150 writings that are noteworthy and exceptional, one stood out to me that I hadn't closely examined before: Psalm 78*.
I know it's a long one, so let me give you the run down. This Psalm summarizes all that God does for His people in the very beginning of the old testament. It talks through Exodus and how God rescued His people and provided for them. He displayed His glory to the people of Egypt through so many signs and wonders that I couldn't even imagine. He uses His servants, Moses and Aaron, and starts by turning a staff into a snake. Then He goes through famines and plagues galore, specifically designed to discredit every "god" the Egyptians believed in. They worshiped the sun, so He brought darkness. Frogs were seen as a sign of fertility, so He made thousands upon thousands of dead frogs appear. The Nile was worshiped as a god, and it was turned to blood. The firstborn son was the one set apart to serve Pharaoh, who was seen as a god himself, and every first born son was killed.** Talk about proving that You are the One true God. And more than just displaying His glory to the Egyptians, He displayed His faithfulness to His chosen people by protecting them from all of this, and then leading them out of slavery and captivity into freedom. His might is so huge that He split the waters of the Red Sea for them to escape their enemies. Imagine that. Someone so beautiful and mighty that an entire sea stands up and splits at the sight of Him. And as if that wasn't enough to make your jaw drop, He then guided them through to their destination with a pillar of smoke by day and a pillar of fire by night. He is so glorious that He can display Himself with smoke and fire coming out of the sky. WHAT?!? And as if THAT isn't enough to make these people realize that there is a glorious God who loves them and is working for them, He then opens the heavens while their in the desert and literally causes the bread of ANGELS to fall at their feat. And a crap ton of meat. So much so that they ate until they couldn't eat anymore. So for us modern day Americans, imagine thanksgiving dinner falling out of the sky for an entire nation. And then having leftovers. So many leftovers that they rot, because there simply aren't enough people to eat all this food. And after all that, He gave them a land to live in.
Just hearing that story makes my jaw drop. My mind cannot even begin to imagine those events, and these people lived through them. It's hard to say exactly how I would react, but I imagine I would fall to my knees and start thanking God for His overwhelming faithfulness and provision. I can't imagine there would be any doubt in my mind that He was the soverign God, and I would hope that I would fully dedicate myself to serving Him for the rest of my life.
But do you know what these people did in response? They tested God. They didn't believe. They didn't devote themselves to Him. In fact, they deliberately spoke against Him and doubted Him. They didn't trust Him. They continued to live in their sin, as they had all their lives. None of these events changed them in the slightest.
Verse 32: "In spite of all this, they kept on sinning; in spite of His wonders, they did not believe."
Verses 36-37: "But then they would flatter Him with their mouths, lying to Him with their tongues; their hearts were not loyal to Him, they were not faithful to His covenant."
And here was my response to their response: That makes me mad. That makes me furious. After all that He has done, they don't honor Him in the slightest. How stupid do you have to be to watch God do all these things, and still doubt? You were a firsthand eyewitness. This isn't some story you were told. This is the reality of your life. And still, You don't believe? Still you doubt His ability and withhold your trust. I mean, these people must be idiots, and that's doing them some justice, right?
Out of nowhere, there was a still, small voice poking in the back of my mind. And He told me, "Kenz, this is not some far off event from over 2,000 years ago. This is the reality of the church today. And this is the reality of you, right now."
Ouch.
But I started to think. How many times does God do the miraculous in our lives, and we brush it off like it's nothing? How many prayers has He answered for me, yet I still doubt that He will answer the prayers I'm praying tonight? Last summer, I had to raise over $4,500 to go to South Africa on a mission trip. In the weeks leading up to the trip, I was $272 short. God had proved so faithful in the fundraising process. I can't believe the support my friends and their families showed me. I can't explain how God provided through my paychecks at work. There was even an anonymous $500 donation that came in after I asked God to help me finish off the remaining balance a month before we left. He had miraculously provided over $3500 in 5 short months, but still I was losing sleep over the remaining $272. Which, just for the record, He provided exactly $272 two nights before I left. He had given me every reason to trust Him, believe in Him, and never doubt Him. But still, I did what the village idiots did before me, and I questioned Him when He had already proven Himself time and time again.
And that's not the only instance I can think of that. If I am being extremely honest and raw I can think of at least 20 different times when this was true in my life. In fact, it's true more often than it isn't in my life. God does amazing things. He is so good to me. He is so faithful and displays His glory over and over again. But it means nothing to me. I completely ignore it, and continue to live on in my doubt, fear, selfishness, sin, whatever it is. He has told me over and over that my calling in life is to be a missionary. He has proven time and time again that He is present and on my side. He is working for me and providing for me. But I doubt every night. How could I ever have the funds? Do I really have the gifts and talents I need? Do i have the strength to be away from my friends and my family? Can I adapt to a new culture, for the rest of my life? Or healing. I've seen at least 20 physical healings in the past two years, but rarely do I trust the Holy Spirit for my own healing. I was an eyewitness, but I doubt His ability to do the miraculous. I could go on and on and on. This is the reality of my life, and I think it's fair to agree that this is the reality of the church today. God could audibly speak to us, and still many of us would ignore that and doubt what we heard. We would ask for something else. Another sign that's bigger and better, to make us believe. As if hearing His voice isn't enough. We aren't content with the wonders God preforms in our lives. We always want more. We always doubt. We never fully trust and allow ourselves to be content with what God has already done in our lives. I am just as stupid as the Israelite are. I am just as idiotic.
There's good news in all of this. Verse 39 says, "He remembered that they were but flesh, a passing breeze that does not return." Verse 38 says, "yet He was merciful; He forgave their iniquities...". God still loved them, and held back His anger. He could have lashed out at them the very first time they doubted, but He had patience. He continued to display how faithful He was, despite their appalling response. And that is true in our lives today. In fact, I think it's more true now than it was then, since we live under the covenant of what Christ has given us through the cross. There is hope. There is mercy and grace for all the mistakes we make. There is forgiveness. God loves me, despite the fact that I ignore everything about who He is and what He says to me. But it has really challenged me.
Yes, He loves me. He always has and He always will. There is grace and mercy to cover anything I could ever do. And theoretically, I could probably continue living just like the Israelites did, and like I have been lately. But if I claim any degree of wisdom, how can I continue to live like an idiot? If I'm truly in love with Him, how could I continue living in my sin, blatantly disregarding my Father?
It's time that the church takes an honest look at our lives. It's time we are raw, honest, and real like David and Asaph were. And it's time that we start being content with the hand of God in our lives, and stop demanding that He show us more before we trust and believe. He is God. He is sovereign. He is good. He is faithful. He is majestic and glorious. And He does more than enough to show that in our lives.
(* side note: this particular Psalm is written by Asaph, not
David. I just used him as an example since the majority of the Psalms
are by David.)
(** side note round two: thank you to my amazing leaders, Ethan and Stefani Mattot, for bringing the connection between the plagues and the Egyptian gods to my attention. I did not know this until recently, and it was totally their wisdom that taught me this a couple weeks ago. Shout out to you guys for being super awesome, super wise leaders, and teaching me what God then used to speak to me in a huge way.)
